Relish the Charms of the Present

Say what? It's September already? Holy heck, that happened fast! There are approximately 10,463 thoughts, ideas, insights, lessons learned, etc. that I could share with you from my summer, BUT that would be boring, even if I thought they were all life changers (and they're not). Instead I leave you with just one sweet picture that kind of sums up how I feel as I bid the summer of 2012 adieu.

 I found this awesome photo on this blog: Lay Baby Lay

Doesn't that just say it all?

An In-The-Moment Mom

This was the cover of this month's Parents magazine...

And you know what caught my attention? The headline "Be an in-the-moment mom". To be honest I haven't even read the article yet, but just the concept really got me thinking. An in-the-moment mom. That is what I so desperately want to be, but what I so epically fail at every single day. I so badly want to cherish every moment I have with my girls. Really focus on them. Interact with them. Laugh with them. Appreciate them for who they are at that exact moment. Because tomorrow they will be one day older, one day wiser, one day closer to being all grown up.

But then life gets in the way. I get sucked into cleaning up the house, working on the computer, making my grocery list...all things that are important, but not nearly important as the little girls who are by my side begging for my attention. The worst part of it is I find myself getting mad. Mad at them for constantly interrupting my train of thought, mad at life for giving me a never ending list of things to do, mad that money doesn't grow on trees so I could hire people to do all the "stuff" and I could spend my time at the park, playing boo, etc. Unfortunately that's not the way it works.

I remember reading the results of a survey that asked a whole bunch of grandmas what they would have done differently if they could do it all over again. Almost every single one of them said they would spend more focused time with their kids. A messy kitchen, dirty laundry, a dinner of mac and cheese from the box, those are all things that are forgotten over the years. What remains are the memories. The moments.

So I'm challenging myself. Challenging you. Let's be in-the-moment moms. Let's let things go, redirect our focus, put the unimportant things aside and make our kids a priority. When my girls are grown I want to look back and say, "Boy that was fun, we raised some really great kids" not, "Boy, was my life neat and tighty all those years".

Are you with me?

Mommy Brain

The Urban Dictionary defines Mommy Brain as the following: 

Mommy Brain: The phenomenon known to mothers where their brains become useless piles of goo after being around their children for too long.

(Side note: I love Urban Dictionary, cracks me up that you can actually find a definition for something like Mommy Brain.)



I don't know if I would go so far as to say my brain has become a useless pile of goo, BUT I would most definitely say that some days (ok, most days) my brain is on overload trying to keep track of the ten thousand things that I'm trying to juggle. It's hard to believe I make it out the door without leaving one or both my kiddos behind! (Ok ok, I would never ACTUALLY leave one of my kids behind, but sometimes I do take a second glance in the review mirror just to make sure there are two little bodies secure in their car seats. Don't lie, you've done it before too!)

Keeping track of my cell phone, for example, is ridiculously hard. I swear, I need to permanently attach that thing to my body. I am constantly running around my house trying to figure out where the heck I had it last. And somehow I always find it in the most obscure places, i.e. the closet, between the couch cushions. I wish I could blame it on Cameron, but sadly I can't. 99% of the I'm the one responsible for leaving it in those strange places (although the reason I'm usually rushing off leaving it is because of urgent matters that arise with the girls, but that is neither here nor there).

So, how do I cope with Mommy Brain? LISTS. You bet ya, I am the queen of lists. My husband makes fun of me for being a nerdy list person, but let's be honest, without my lists I wouldn't be able to keep track of anything at all. I make lists of things I need to do, things I want to buy, people I need to email or call, questions I have. Yes, it's pretty ridiculous. But it works, and when you find a system that works, you go with it. Am I right?

So what happens when Mommy Brain sabotages my list system? Disaster!

Yesterday I made a much needed trip to the grocery store. We were literally out of food, so I had a pretty substantial grocery list. So we're at the store, I have my list in hand, Sydney in the Bjorn and Cameron driving the "car" on the front of the cart. (Have you seen those things? They are incredibly hard to push around, but genius because they get your toddler excited about the grocery store.) We've just made it through the produce department and are waiting at the deli counter to get meat and cheese. I look down and notice the list is gone. Crap! I had a gazillion things on that list and we've only just started. I quickly backtrack through the produce department to see if I can find it. No go. List is officially lost. Ugh. Now what? Go from memory. Great.

I proceeded to navigate through the store trying to remember everything on my list without the list, all while trying to make sure Cameron wasn't jumping out of the car or grabbing things of the shelf. Not exactly the easiest task in the whole world. Luckily, we made it out of the store with only one slight mishap—Cameron dumped a carton of eggs smashing several of them on the floor—and most of the items on my list. Not too bad considering.

I know it seems like I'm sitting here complaining about how Mommy Brain (which I kind of am), but the truth is, it's just the flip side of a motherhood coin that I wouldn't trade in for the world. Yes my life is crazy. Yes I forget things, I can't find things and sometimes feel like I'm loosing my mind. But if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't get this:

And the Lord knows, these two little munchkins really do bring me countless hours of joy.

So what can I say, this useless pile of goo, well it's just going to have to do. ;)

Carry On Warrior

A friend of mine emailed me this blog post from a blog called Momastery, about what it really feels like to be a mommy sometimes—IT'S HARD! Her prospective is genuine. It's honest. It's real. And I love it, because I can totally relate. Hope you enjoy it too!  
  

------------------------------------------

January 4, 2012

2011 Lesson #2: Don't Carpe Diem

Every time I’m out with my kids – this seems to happen:

An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, “Oh- Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast.”

Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.

I know that this message is right and good. But as 2011 closes, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn’t work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life – while I’m raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I’m not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I’m doing something wrong.

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I’ve heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they’ve heard there’s magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it’s hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that  most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.

And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers – “ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU’LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN’T!” TRUST US!! IT’LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!”  - those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.

Now. I’m not suggesting that the sweet old ladies who tell me to ENJOY MYSELF be thrown from a mountain. These are wonderful ladies. Monkees, probably. But last week, a woman approached me in the Target line and said the following: “Sugar, I hope you are enjoying this. I loved every single second of parenting my two girls. Every single moment. These days go by so fast.”

At that particular moment, Amma had arranged one of the new bras I was buying on top of her sweater and was sucking a lollipop that she must have found on the ground. She also had three shop-lifted clip-on neon feather stuck in her hair. She looked exactly like a contestant from Toddlers and Tiaras. I couldn’t find Chase anywhere, and Tish was grabbing the pen on the credit card swiper thing WHILE the woman in front of me was trying to use it. And so I just looked at the woman, smiled and said, “Thank you. Yes. Me too. I am enjoying every single moment. Especially this one. Yes. Thank you.”

That’s not exactly what I wanted to say, though.

There was a famous writer who, when asked if he loved writing, replied, “No. But I love having written.” What I wanted to say to this sweet woman was, “Are you sure? Are you sure you don’t mean you love having parented?”

I love having written. And I love having parented. My favorite part of each day is when the kids are put to sleep (to bed) and Craig and I sink into the couch to watch some quality TV, like Celebrity Wife Swap, and congratulate each other on a job well done. Or a job done, at least.

Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I’m being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times – G, if you can’t handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?

That one always stings, and I don’t think it’s quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it’s hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she’s not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn’t add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it’s so hard means she IS doing it right…in her own way…and she happens to be honest.

Craig is a software salesman. It’s a hard job in this economy. And he comes home each day and talks a little bit about how hard it is. And I don’t ever feel the need to suggest that he’s not doing it right, or that he’s negative for noticing that it’s hard, or that maybe he shouldn’t even consider taking on more responsibility. And I doubt anybody comes by his office to make sure he’s ENJOYING HIMSELF. I doubt his boss peeks in his office and says: “This career stuff…it goes by so fast…ARE YOU ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IN THERE, CRAIG???? CARPE DIEM, CRAIG!”

My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn’t enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn’t in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and Iwasn’t MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I’d wake up and the kids would be gone, and I’d be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.

But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here’s what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:

It’s helluva hard, isn’t it? You’re a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She’s my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime.” And hopefully, every once in a while, I’ll add- “Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up- I’ll have them bring your groceries out.”

Anyway. Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn’t work for me. I can’t even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.

Here’s what does work for me:

There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It’s regular time, it’s one minute at a time, it’s staring down the clock till bedtime time, it’s ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it’s four screaming minutes in time out time, it’s two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.

Then there’s Kairos time. Kairos is God’s time. It’s time outside of time. It’s metaphysical time. It’s those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.

Like when I actually stop what I’m doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is.  I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can’t hear her because all I can think is – This is the first time I’ve really seen Tish all day, and my God – she is so beautiful. Kairos.

Like when I’m stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I’m haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I’m transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles and piles of healthy food I’ll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world’s mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos.

Or when I curl up in my cozy bed with Theo asleep at my feet and Craig asleep by my side and I listen to them both breathing. And for a moment, I think- how did a girl like me get so lucky? To go to bed each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth? Kairos.

These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairosin my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don’t remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.

If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success.

Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day. 

Good enough for me.

Why hello there!

Let me start by introducing myself.

My name is Rachel and I'm 29 years old. I'm the wife of an amazing man, Ryan, and mother of two sweet little girls, Cameron and Sydney. I always knew I wanted to have a family, but I could have never guessed how much I would enjoy it!

I graduated from Baylor University with a degree in Marketing and spent my first several years post-grad, working in the corporate world. I learned a lot and got some great experience, which has proven to be extremely valuable.

Two years ago when I had Cameron, Ryan and I decided it was best for me to quit my job so I could stay at home with her. As anyone who has made that decision knows, it's a hard one to make. It wasn't so much that I loved my job (because I definitely didn't) but it was all the uncertainties that I struggled with. Could we survive on a single income? Could I get another job if I needed to? Would I be lonely? But ultimately, I decided it would be too hard to give 100% to everything I needed to—marriage, kids, work—and if one had to go, it should most definitely be the job.

It was a great decision and I haven't looked back for a second. I love being at home, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I joined a bible study, made some mommy friends and even scored a part time marketing position that I can do from home. It really has been a perfect combination.

I love to spend time with my family, play outside in the sunshine, run, try new recipes, watch movies and read....and of course write. I love Jesus Christ and believe with my whole heart that he died to save me from my sins, and it is by his grace alone that there is any hope for me.

When I got pregnant with Cameron in 2009, I started a blog to update all our family and friends on the pregnancy. Over time that blog has morphed into a summary of all the happenings in our life. It's so fun to look back and see how we've all changed and grown over the years. I'm slowly working on transferring all those blog entries into books so we have them forever. I'm so thankful to have all those memories written down, it's amazing how quickly you begin to forget!

As I became more of a blogger, I started following more and more fun blogs. There are so many fun and interesting mommy blogs out there. At some point I had the realization that what they were doing wasn't hugely different, or unique, it was just mommies sharing their experiences and ideas. I decided to take a shot at creating a mommy blog of my own. So welcome to Messy Kitchen, Happy Kids.

My inspiration:

Photo courtesy of Simply Designing 

Because let's face it, when you look back years from now, it's not going to matter whether or not your kitchen was clean, you're going to remember the happy times you got to spend with your kiddos.